Kelly Dixon
— Narrator
Mickey Smith
— Paperboy
Tanya Gingerich
— First Housewife
Sara Kathryn Bakker
— Second Housewife
John Hartmann
— First Dad
Blayne Perry
— First Businessman
Duncan Rogers
— Second Businessman
Jim Oakley
— First Football Player
J.J. Messina
— Second Football Player
Jordanna Dezeeuw
— Evil Hetero Woman
Pete Barker
— Dr. Dinsey
Bill Peden
— The Confessor
Stephen Palgon
— Johnny
Margot Edling
— Diane
Bill Short
— Second Dad