Jane Jensen
— Juliet Capulet
Will Keenan
— Tromeo Que
Valentine Miele
— Murray Martini
William Beckwith
— Cappy Capulet
Steve Gibbons
— London Arbuckle
Sean Gunn
— Sammy Capulet
Debbie Rochon
— Ness
Lemmy Kilmister
— Narrator
Stephen Blackehart
— Benny Que
Flip Brown
— Father Lawrence
Earl McKoy
— Monty Que
Gene Terinoni
— Detective Ernie Scalus
Wendy Adams
— Ingrid Capulet
Tamara Marie Watson
— Georgie Capulet
Jacqueline Tavarez
— Rosy
Tiffany Shepis
— Peter
Joe Fleishaker
— 1-900-HOT-HUNK
James Gunn
— Found a Peanut Father
Lloyd Kaufman
— Shocked Onlooker
Lisbeth Kaufman
— Mutant Kid
Charlotte Kaufman
— Mutant Kid
Caroline Smith
— Pauline
Jason Green
— Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (uncredited)
Ron Jeremy
— Tromaville Citizen (uncredited)
Garon Peterson
— Fu Chang
Joseph Anthony
— Flavio (Penis Monster Guy)
Craig Adams
— Guy Who Says It Will Take Him Only Two Minutes to Have Sex
Neil Ruddy
— Nice Man Hit By Car!!