Jon Cryer
— Andrew Morenski / Max Hauser
Keith Coogan
— Patrick Morenski
Annabeth Gish
— Ryan Campbell
Tim Quill
— Kevin O'Roarke
Oliver Cotton
— Hit-Man
John Spencer
— Bakey
Gretchen Cryer
— Lucy Morenski
Anne Pitoniak
— Grandma Jennie Morenski
Jack Gilpin
— Dr. Gusick
Lou Walker
— Ezzard Williams
Joy Behar
— Gertrude
Nancy Fish
— Mrs. Billings
Ned Eisenberg
— Rodriguez
Claude Brooks
— Clinton
Marita Geraghty
— Janie Rooney
Beth Ehlers
— Chloe
Warren Keith
— Breech
Richard Portnow
— Mr. Lessig